dolly loli

What has been bothering me about lolita...

Loli has been so dear to me for so many years now. I have found in the past eight years that my excitement and love for lolita has come and gone in varying waves... At the moment I don't have all that much feeling towards it. Why though?

I've felt for quite a while that lolita has been a big part of my identity - it says a lot about my interests, art, how I'm not happy to conform and fit in, that I just want life to be fun as much as possible. It does show these things quite well but there's more to me than all that and I've not been feeling the rest of me comes through, especially as my casual/daily wardrobe has become loli-fied. A whole load of floral prints, cute things with bows, lace and frills are pretty much what covers me when I am not in lolita, maybe in different styles like otome, dolly kei and mori girl more than just being normal and girly styled. It's the way lolita has infiltrated my life to have normal and girly days what is making me dislike it right now.

I am not a "normal" girly girl sort of person. I am a metalhead! I'm an artist! I'm an intelligent and strongly opinioned pansexual feminist young lady! I am tough and I am certainly not a flimsy delicate nothing of a little girl. I've nearly eradicated the pink from my lolita wardrobe so why is all the stuff that makes me actually look like an airhead still there? Lolita doesn't look like airhead clothes - it's obviously the clothing of someone with opinions, someone who won't be made to be quiet and give in to what others expect of you. Why did I think getting rid of that would get rid of the preconceptions of my personality? I think the sweet stuff just took over too much and getting rid of the sweet lolita was the most extreme and, therefore, obvious place to start.

Before sweet lolita, I was a grunger XD I was a punk kid! I cut all my hair off in strange ways and only owned one skirt from an alternative store (kinda ethnic looking shape to it) I wore men's jumpers, skinny vests and ripped skater jeans, nothing delicate about me! Eight years later and that part of me has been overshadowed aesthetically and because I don't look like the person to start mosh pits any more I begin to doubt that person is still me, the way everyone assumes I am a delicate little girl because that's how I look..

I know a lot of lolitas, all with varying interests, all intelligent, mostly not rough or tough. Some have a tendency to look down on being a tough, head banging girl who has no problem going a couple of days without a shower at a festival.. Some girls (and this REALLY bothers me) put on ditsy airhead personalities to look cuter. The same girls who say "Ew!! Why do you want to listen to such angry music? Why do you want to be around such dirty people? Etc.." AREN'T the sort of girls who put on the ditz persona but they're sorta expecting every lolita to be a ditz on some level. I suppose that's turned me off loli a bit :/

I wish it wasn't the loli me I've been changing actually! I think I know it now, I need to be a gothy grungy punk kid to feel like me again don't I? I think having a small break from lolita has made me see that. I've been thinking about how to look more gay recently too, that ditsy girly girl look I've adopted for everyday wear looks SO STRAIGHT! I don't like the thought of "passing" it's just another way of conforming to social expectations! I don't want to look meek and submissive either or like I have no thoughts in my head - I love legally blonde but dressing like Elle Woods will only reinforce the perceptions of airhead girls in pink, the film reflects that no one takes a chick seriously with that image and it's hard enough for a chick to be taken seriously anyway!

So what shall I do? Dress like a dude? I shouldn't have to dress in any particular gendered way to be tough really. I think I need to be a weirdo in everyday life too. I think that is definitely what I've been getting at. The sweet girl look doesn't suit my personality or outlook on life - I need more metal! I will figure this out :)
Me twin


I think I might come back to livejournal! It's been a while hasn't it!?

Things have been a-changing... I feel like all my old entries are so irrelevant to now but I suppose not as it's our past experiences that make us who we are.

Perhaps I will blog more, it will probably be fairly shallow posts of my creating and such. First thing on my agenda though is to revamp the visual style of my blog! Goodbye poupee graphics, hello to my own artwork ;D gimme a couple of days and it will change <3<3

Laters dears! X

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Me twin


Hello my lovely ladies <3

I'm running a giveaway for a set of custom made laser cut accessories from Icing Sugar!!

The giveaway is on Icing Sugar's facebook here... Check it out fo rizzle! :D
  • Current Mood
    chipper chipper
Me twin

Long time no post

I have been le busy busy busy to come over to lj much in recent months, but I do still love it :D

News of me? Well, I updated my DA a while ago with my portfolio work (well not all of my portfolio work but just the stuff I think is on trend for the interwebs)so do take a lil looksee :3

My fave latest illustration on there is the Kyary one :)

Kyary's Crepe
by *decora-rockstar on deviantART

I'm thinking of printing a copy like A3 or A2 and putting together a package of gifts from other fans to send to her. I'd also put in one of these PonPonPon<3 laser cut necklace in for her THEN WE COULD TWIN NECKLACES!


On a more serious note, I have been designing laser cut jewellery recently :) My cousin Lauren and her brother's girlfriend collectively ordered £150 of jewellery from me on Christmas day! I was very surprised but in a pleasant sort of way. They asked for cookie rings, name necklaces, a bow necklace, a musical note necklace and some other custom pieces including one of my logo necklaces in black glitter acrylic!

Thinking about it, I'd probably like one in glitter too lol! Well it's too late now, I've sent the order and cba to send another just for one piece :P Maybe when I next do an order I'll put one in for gold glitter just for moi?

I can't say much else now as I gotta go to sleep, I has got work in the morning @ DB Digital where I am currently working as a Graphic Designer/Illustrator :D You can see portraits of the full team as illustrated by me in a Julian Opie sorta style on the contact page.

I've only been there for a month so far and my contract is only until the end of Feb but I sure hope I'll have a job there after that (they blogged about me and are discussing ordering me business cards which seem positive signs?) I just hope they get more specific design work in to give me as, right now, I'm feeling like I've conned them into buying something they don't need by employing me. I hope I can convince future clients to put more illustration into their projects too as the previous clients are more of the design kind but illustration goes hand in hand I think and design is often held back without original imagery. I know I don't like recognising stock images in several different places... maybe that's just me?

Well I'm going to try not to think about the job for now as it makes me terrified.

Good night LJ, until next time <3
  • Current Mood
    worried worried
Me twin

le sigh

Been working on laser cut jewellery designs today. So far in there is a loli girl walking a poodle, a doughnut, biscuits, carousels, tea, stars, hearts, a cake, logos and keys. Need to do bows still... I think I'll copypaste them from some print work and just edit them into readable data for the laser cutter. HMMM can't think what else to put in there OH I REMEMBER A STAR COOKIE! OH AND A HEART COOKIE! I think I need to take my CuteCanKill concept drawings and turn them into stacked laser cut designs too!

I've updated my etsy shop with 8 listings last week... I really have to post them places and start talking to blogs to get interviews and things but I dunno, I think my shop looks so bare atm (I mean I've got LOADS more to put up but I need better photos) I just think I'm scared :( I really want this to succeed! I also want to have a life away from this bloody pc too though!

Another thing I'm working on atm is a dress to wear to Taking Back Sunday at UEA on the 30th, I'll post pics when it's done :) It's going to be a gothic/punk OP with a sweetheart neckline, massive chiffon bow on the bodice with pearl bead embellishment, princess seamed, gathered asymmetric handkerchief hemmed skirt and chiffon frilled underskirt... A lot of work for one dress isn't it! Well I've got the tartan outer fabric all cut so now I need to cut the under skirt and lining then get sewing... maybe another two days of work!?

These are my idea sketches:

View it larger here

I think I want the underskirt to be like this:
I like the gathered overlay/panel with the one little frill peeking around the hem...

or this:
The tiered effect is really pretty :) Oh but I don't know if I could be arsed to sit there and gather all those little rows of chiffon... Chiffon is SUCH a pain in the arse to work with *sigh* which is why I don't want to do it the way I drew the ideas!

I don't think I blogged about this, but I FINALLY deco'd my phone XD

I know it's really silly and a bit of a bold move to epoxy the sweets directly onto my phone but meh whatever! I think it's cute and I'm happy with it! That phone is a piece of rubbish really anyway so I wasn't worried about ruining it!


I made a d_l post about mode girl and experimenting with lolita more as opposed to following the rules like a bible on all things loli :)

There's another thing I'm doing atm but I'll keep that to myself for the time being! Busy busy busy! Maybe next blog I write I'll tell you about a project I'm setting up with the mental health charity ;) That's not the thing that I'm keeping to myself though!
  • Current Music
    Taking Back Sunday
Me twin

I'm waffling here, you don't have to read it :/

Well, university is now officially over. I'm no longer a student! Unfortunately I'm still not really a graduate yet considering I've only completed a Foundation Degree of Arts rather than a Bachelor of Arts :/ I feel a bit like I'm lagging behind everyone else who started uni at the same time as me because I dropped out of NUCA and had to start over again... It's a bit silly to think that way since well I had to start over a year later and can always go back and do another year to get the BA but when your high school class mates are going to get their Masters next year, I really can't help but feel like I'm well behind them!

Anyway, despite lagging behind everyone studying further than me, I got my grades just the other day... There's a long list of D's there!

D is for distinction! Brilliant right!? That's equivalent to a first on a 2nd year BA :) Not a bad foundation if I decide to finish the BA in the future. Right now though, I'm so sick of uni! I just want to start making something out of my life and sell all my degree work and make some moolah! Of course the majority of any money I make at this point is going to go straight back into the brand like ordering more supplies, fabric, materials etc and just developing on the brand. Surplus profits generated over £200 a month would mean I could quit New Look which is the ultimate goal by September... *fingers crossed*

Now I've finished uni I can catch up on stuff I've been wanting to do for myself! It's taken me ages but I finally took a decent photo of my tags, labels and stickers... my branding is really taking shape! :) I've also started a deco project to make a cute OTT sweets jewellery box for myself :D It's been fun learning how to model sweets with clay too! It helps that I've got time being stuck at home since I just had my tonsils removed this monday too lol painful but plenty of time to myself just to sit down and make things!


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Much love homies x PEACE OUT
  • Current Mood
    sleepy sleepy
Me twin

You know those days when you just want to give up?

Really cannot be bothered with life. Everything always seems so pointless. I don't think things are worth doing unless I do them amazingly...

When I'm researching work I want to do, I see people studying at my level who are succeeding so much better than I am. I know if I tried harder I could be better at the things I do, but I don't think I'll ever be good enough. Well actually I lie, these people are studying a year higher than me. It was laser cutting I looked up and I saw on customer examples of people cutting fabric and piecing it back together to make garments for their FMP on BAhons fashion so third year students ~ only one year higher than me! It just makes me think I need to complete my degree, try like ridiculously hard and show that I can be better. I have to be one of the best or what the hell is the point in having done all this? If my work isn't the best then it wasn't worth doing.

We had our end of year fashion show on Thursday... I really hate some of the things I made... there's so much wrong with it! I hate that my work isn't perfect. SO much of my fabric was terrible! All the faults in the prints... It really upsets me that I didn't trust my instincts and print with Fabric on Demand from the start. I would have had everything printed on time and absolutely perfectly then. It's not even like there's only faults in the print either! The original lot of fabric I printed all stretched and warped itself and I used what I could of it to save time and money reprinting it but it made one of the dresses fit really horribly! The lining is tighter than the outer fabric because the outer fabric somehow stretched more after I cut it, so the bodice pulls itself inwards when it's worn on someone who's bigger than the smallest measurements :( I made it with elastic in the back thinking it would make the fit a bit easier but well it didn't help. And the warping makes the dress slope downwards in the back. URGH WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT DRESS!

I'm going to order some fabric after work today I think. I'll get enough to make two dresses and two skirts maybe... I don't know yet actually. I'll write a plan while I'm on the bus and order straight away.